One month ago today...

...was the last time I saw Aubrey.  Where has this month gone?  Did I just live through all of that??  This doesn't seem to be getting much easier for me.   I have to pray that over time the pain will lessen.  I told mom the other day that I'm not exactly sure WHY this has affected me the way it has.  All I know is that I would LOVE a glimpse into heaven....been struggling lately with trust, faith, hope.  Like I said before, I HAVE to believe in what I've known my whole life.  Without that belief...I have no hope of ever seeing again those that I love - my dad, Aubrey, other family members/friends....the end of this life just CAN'T be the ....end.  Right?

I didn't mean for this blog to be one in which I am down in the dumps all the time.  It won't always be.  =)  That just seems to be where I am living a lot of the time right now.  Those of you who have been through grief....tell me this will get better!  Tell me that I won't always worry every single second when my mother is alone.  Tell me that whenever I think of Aubrey I won't always remember first the last image I have of him after he had passed away in the hospital.  Tell me that someday this will be a distant memory, and when we think of this time, all we think of is fondness and thankfulness that we got the time with Aubrey that we did...however short.

On another note....I am SO excited the events of the afternoon/evening!  A wonderful friend from church gave me a sweet gift when she saw me at the visitation to treat my mother for a dinner out.  So....this afternoon mom and I are going to a Christmas Cottage event at the fairgrounds.  Those of you who know us well know that we LOVE Christmas - decorations, shopping, music...will be different this year, but maybe it will help heal?  Then after that we are going with two of our friends to Maggiano's to eat fabulous Italian...and lots of it!  No Weight Watchers for me this evening! 

My sweet husband will keep the kids tonight so I can have a much needed girls' night out.  We've got a busy weekend planned.  Em has soccer practice tonight and a game tomorrow.  Greg and I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon and are singing in a wedding tomorrow night.  Then of course Sunday's services, and we go to sing at the Davidson County jail Sunday night for our annual "Jammin' at the Jail" concert.  Should be a busy, but fun weekend. 

Hope all of you have a great weekend as well.  Hug your family, and tell them how much you love them!!